By Sam Neill

Opinion: I’m not a scientist, but allow me to say a few things about science

As with most people, I didn’t really hear about science for the first few decades of my life. Oh, every now and then you’d see it mentioned in the newspaper, or perhaps in a book somewhere; “science” had solved some great conundrum, such as how to make butter spreadable. But […]

By Batman.

Opinion: I’m not a fucktard. I’m Batman

I’ve been silent too long. But that’s who I am. A silent protector. A watchful guardian. A circumspect observer. An alert custodian. A vigilant sentry. A wary chaperone. A cautious shepherd. A politic bystander. A dark knight. I’m sorry. Sometimes I get lost in my own publicity. I was willing […]

By an All Black

Opinion: I am an All Black®, and I am Sacred™

I am an All Black, and I am sacred. He tangata. He tangata. Wu tang-ata. I come from a sacred tradition. Of honour. Of fealty. Of Sanitarium Up&Go. Through my blood runs the memory of the greats: Meads. Fitzpatrick. The little man off the Mastercard ads. Through my blood also […]

Opinion: I am the man who decided to insert a hot dog into the crust of a pizza. I must be stopped

Opinion: I am the man who decided to insert a hot dog into the crust of a pizza. I must be stopped

All I ever wanted to do in life was make and sell pizza. And, after years of toiling in the pizza trenches, I was fortunate enough to rise to the highest position of New Zealand pizzadom: the managing director of Pizza Hut. I thought I had it made, made like […]

By Jim Hickey

Opinion: Please stop sending me novelty ties

Hello, everyone. Taupo, how you doing? Beautiful day, today. Lovely high hovering over the country like the cream on the scones at the Wairakei Tourist Park Café. Pop in for one – and say hi to Sally for me. Lovely. I’ve been lucky enough to be let into the nation’s […]

By the Briscoes lady

Opinion: I have too many toasters

I own a lot of toasters. After 25 years as the face of Briscoes, it’s unavoidable. You can’t sing the praises of a company and its endless sales without owning the products you endorse. It would be dishonest. And I’m not dishonest. You can trust me on that, because I […]