- Send them home. Not sure who “them” are, but send them home.
- Reduce funding of schools in predominantly white areas to match levels of funding in poorer, Maori areas.
- Make Christchurch the capital of New Zealand.
- Replace confusing Maori names with their white equivalents. Whangarei to become Wongaray. Kaikoura to become Cackaracka.
- Stop sending aid to Maori in Palestine.
- Install Michael Laws as mayor of as many councils as he can logistically manage.
- Reconsider above policy after discovery that the number of councils that Michael Laws can logistically manage is 0.
- More tanning beds.
- Haka to be performed in English and only by Chesdale Cheese ambassadors Ches and Dale.
- All Blacks to be renamed Mostly Whites.
- English must be taught in schools.
- Aoraki Mount Cook to be renamed Mount Cook Mount Cook.
- Prosecute Maori for extinction of Moa.
- Further protect Wanganui from Maorification by removing the obviously Maori part of the name “ui”, leaving the town to be known henceforth as Wangan.
- Encourage Maori to forcibly colonise London to help reduce guilt.
- Maori must stop dominating unemployment and prison statistics and give Pakeha a fair go.
- Every powhiri must be accompanied by Ray Columbus performance of equal or greater duration.
- Tangy Fruits for all New Zealanders.
- The Wahine Disaster to henceforth be known as “The Boat Disaster”.
- Pakeha Television, broadcasting nothing but Friends.
- If Maori have Te Karere and Waka Huia, then Pakeha deserve a daily half hour of news and a weekly half hour of whatever Waka Huia is.
- Maori must stop hoarding all the rhythm.
- Public education campaign to repair the damage done to white bread’s nutritional reputation.
- At least two Maori friends for every Pakeha.
- Rename Te Papa “The Dad”.
- A Pakeha Prime Minister, bringing an end to the long line of Prime Ministers who just happened to be Pakeha.