Following Labour’s weekend policy announcement of three years free tertiary education for every New Zealander, the Government has shot back, offering their own version of the policy, that will also fund three years tuition, but only for one person.
Minister for Tertiary Education, Steven Joyce, announced the policy this morning on Twitter.
“It is my pleasure to announce that the Government will be funding a more realistic and effective alternative to the reckless education polic–“ read the tweet, which cut off in the middle of the word “policy”, and was not followed up by a subsequent tweet.
Confusion caused by the tweet spurned a press conference later that day, in which Joyce explained that the individual to receive tertiary education had already been selected.
“This is James,” said Joyce, gesturing towards a teenage boy standing next to him. “Under the Government’s new education proposal, James is to receive three years tuition-free education, which will be paid for by money earmarked for renovation of parliamentary offices of the Labour Party.”
“The education of James is central to our vision of a better skilled, more aspirational New Zealand, and will bring great economic benefit to the country.
“Unless he does an arts degree.”
Joyce said that James’ free education would be implemented in stages, and would be fully paid for by the time he was 40.
Asked whether James would have to pay for his education in the meantime, Joyce replied “Probably.”
Sources close to James believe he has chosen to do an arts degree.