Environmentalists across the North Island and the country are still reeling from yesterday’s widespread destruction of trees that was apparently caused by nature.
Winds in Auckland reached 170km/h on Wednesday, as those with an abiding love for the natural world were shocked to see it turn upon itself, apparently violently murdering trees by ripping them from their roots and strangling them with power lines.
28-year-old Matthew Reed, an Auckland University student who said he felt “guilty” speaking to media using a telephone, explained that he felt “conflicted” and “confused.”
“As committed environmentalists, we tell each other that the natural world is the root of all healing, and that destruction of that world – which hurts us all – comes from man. So when you see nature do this kind of thing to itself… Man, it’s kind of hard to comprehend.
“I woke up yesterday afternoon; my vision was a bit hazy. There was some people yelling outside, so I had a look out my window, and I was like ‘Oh shit, I’ve got the munchies.’ But I was also like ‘Woah, how could the wind do this to the trees? Why are they fighting, and why is there a bagel stuck to my head?’”
But Reed said after much consideration, he had decided it was “inconceivable” that nature would be to blame for the destruction, and it was more likely “corporate media” had made it appear that way.
21-year-old sociology student and beard Tom Yates offered an alternative explanation, suggesting that the trees destroyed by the wind may have been “bad” or “rogue trees.”
Meanwhile, Green Party Coco Pops leader Russel Norman, short of suggesting a media conspiracy, rejected the assertion that the wind’s behaviour yesterday reflected upon nature, pointing out that the rise in extreme weather events has been repeatedly attributed to the phenomenon of global warming.
“As I think we all know by now, global warming has been largely driven by human activity over the last hundred or so years,” said Norman. “So when you see our precious fauna being ripped apart by high winds, you know that that, too, is our fault.”