Prime Minister John Key and Economic Development Minister Steven Joyce are indicating they might “flag” Parliament tomorrow after they both became preoccupied playing on poker machines at the SkyCity Casino in Auckland.
The men have been seated across from one another at two of the casino’s machines since 8am this morning, and are hoping to win enough money to put toward the construction of a brand new convention centre in downtown Auckland. They are believed to be playing with millions of dollars in revenue raised from last week’s partial privatization of Mighty River Power.
Nigel Morrison, chief executive of SkyCity, was pleased to see the ministers at his casino.
“John had heard testimonial from one of our customers who put $3 into a machine and came away with $2000,” he said. “The Prime Minister’s a smart man. He knows that’s a profit of more than 60,000%, and he wanted to see if he could do the same with the government’s money.”
If Key and Joyce manage to win something, all of the proceeds will go toward the convention centre, which they hope will create nearly 1,000 new jobs and inject $90 million into the economy each year.
But the pair have so far lost more than two million dollars on the machines, and have yet to win anything significant. Sources at the casino say they appear to be growing increasingly frustrated and demoralised.
“Go away!” screamed a drunken Steven Joyce when approached by media this afternoon. “This is really important.”
“John!” he yelled across the room. “John! John! I’ve nearly got cherries. How many cherries do you need?”
Key told him that he needed three cherries to win any money.
“Fuck!” said Joyce.
Throughout the day, Key was repeatedly heard telling his minister to calm down, assuring him that the money would come eventually if they were just patient. But in the last few hours, witnesses say that Joyce has grown extremely agitated, at one point suggesting that they just “bust open the machines and run.”
Casino staff said they didn’t expect to have a problem, and were monitoring the pair closely. They had also questioned Deputy Prime Minister Bill English, who had been parked outside with the engine running.
Health Minister Tony Ryall was also seen at the casino today, but insisted he was just there because he was depressed.