There was absolute mayhem on the campaign trail today as Labour leader Chris Hipkins took his newfound love of swearing to new heights, buoyed by a raucous campaign launch the day before.
At yesterday’s Labour Party launch, Hipkins sought to alleviate concerns he comes off as too bashful and boyish to take on the Government, by deploying a series of swears to show that he’s serious.
Hipkins told Labour Party faithful that ostensibly still Prime Minister Christopher Luxon should “do his bloody job”, and called National Party attacks on his tax plan “bullshit.”
The swears fired up the crowd, such that he repeated them to media after the event.
But the apparent success of the new foul-mouthed Chris appears to have gone to his head, and today he let loose on the campaign trail, smiling giddily as he talked up Labour’s plan to “relieve some motherfucking student debt”, referred to halting school curriculum changes as “putting an end to this bitch”, and said you’d have to be “shit for brains” to oppose a capital gains tax.
Hipkins repeatedly screamed “Fuck yeah!” at cars tooting their horns in support, most of the time adding “let’s fucking go!”
“Holy shit it’s a cat!” he exclaimed, as one enthusiastic supporter handed him their 2 year old ginger tabby.
“Fuck!” he then exclaimed, as the cat violently slashed at his neck. “Little shit.”
Asked by one journalist how he felt the campaign was going, Hipkins said he thought it was “piss easy”, adding “cock.”
As he got into his campaign van and waved goodbye to crowds and media, he let out one last “Fuckburger!”
But it wasn’t all innocent.
The day began on The Herald’s morning show with Ryan Bridge, where Bridge pressed him on his student debt plan and National Party accusations that Labour would introduce “nine new taxes.”
“Oh, frankly Ryan,” Hipkins sighed, seemingly exasperated. “Why don’t you go fuck yourself?”
“Do you think it’s appropriate to be using that sort of language in an election campaign?” asked Bridge, tilting his head with some bewilderment. “I mean, have you thought about the fact there might be children listening to this?”
“Well they can’t vote, can they?” replied Hipkins, shrugging his shoulders. “So what does it matter?”
Later in the day, at a pre-planned campaign stop in Christchurch, Hipkins took the microphone in front of a crowd of a couple of hundred people. Without even a preamble, he launched right in.
“Christopher Luxon is a cuntmuncher!” he declared, grinning ear to ear.
By this point aides to the opposition leader had grown concerned things had gotten out of hand, particularly because they didn’t want to be suggesting Luxon was any good in bed.
Attempts were made to get Hipkins to dial it back, but the Labour leader appeared to be having the time of his life, shuffling through a dictionary in hopes of learning new swear words to deploy.
“Twatwaffle,” he said suddenly, looking around at his staff. “That’s a good one.”
The response was muted, and campaign manager Beth Houston finally leaned in, trying to approach the subject gently.
“Chris, we’ve all had a bit of a talk, and we think maybe it’s time we go in a different direction with all this,” she said. “We know you’re having a lot of fun, but we’re concerned that tonight the news won’t be able to run any footage of you, because of, you know, broadcasting guidelines.”
“Huh,” Chris said, nodding to himself, as if in thought, before having a sudden epiphany. “Hang on, I haven’t said shitgibbon yet, have I?”
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon was asked about Hipkins’ swearstorm today, but declined to respond in kind.
“Well, it’s disappointing isn’t it? If that’s the sort of language he wants to use, if that’s the sort of language he thinks is going to appeal to voters, that’s up to him, but those certainly aren’t the sorts of words we use in my household.”
He was asked what sorts of words were used in his household.
“Uhm, well, I suppose, sink, and uh, fridge, and…” he paused. “Look, I don’t know really. I’m not home very often.”
Despite the kerfuffle, experts and veteran journalists say that Hipkins still isn’t the most foul-mouthed leader on the campaign trail. In fact, that title still goes to Winston Peters, who uses many more swear words a day, but has seemingly gotten away with it for decades as his are so outdated nobody recognises them anymore.