Movie theatres around the country are anxiously preparing for tomorrow’s premiere of raunchy sexy-sex mega-sex-thriller Fifty Shades of Grey, by kindly asking viewers to please not ejaculate on their seats – or on others – and instead use specially designated cups that will be handed out with their tickets.
Matthew Garelli, general manager of Hoyts Cinemas New Zealand, told media today that he “understands fully” just how exciting the film will be “for some,” but asked viewers to please respect cinemas’ private property, and try not to leave “too much of a mess.”
“When you get your ticket, our staff will be handing out little plastic cups,” he said. “They’ll be Fifty Shades themed and have some ads on them, and plenty big enough for you to hold over your privates, and you know, do what you have to do.
“We’d also ask that you please not put them in the bins as you leave, and instead take them with you. Who knows? They might make a nice little souvenir.”
Reading Cinemas in Christchurch and Wellington, in addition to their own plastic cups, will be offering viewers to choose from a series of disguises before entering the movie, so that friends and relatives will not recognise them.
Disguises include over-sized, ambiguous coats, fake moustaches for both men and women, and masks printed with pictures of your own face on them; an option relying on the assumption that no one would be stupid enough to disguise themselves as themselves.
Some cinemas, including Event Cinemas, have chosen not to show the film, to avoid having to hire more cleaning staff.
Early reviews of Fifty Shades have revealed that there are no sex scenes until 40 minutes in, presumably so that viewers don’t finish early and then want to leave.
Despite tickets for the first week of the film’s screening being sold out, a nationwide survey of New Zealanders showed that “literally no one” intended to see the film.