In two days time, the nation is expected to come to a complete halt to watch the grand final of TV3 series X Factor New Zealand, in which the competition’s three finalists will compete for the chance to sell albums to children and possibly judge a future X Factor.
The three remaining acts – a white male, a white female and a brown male – will successfully draw in all of the country’s most important demographics, and all say they’re hungry to win the competition so that they might produce what will be both their first and last album.
Past music contest winner and now-judge Stan Walker said the competition was “intense,” and while he was pretty sure he knew who would win, his contract only allowed him to say he had “no idea.”
“It’s just too close to call, guys,” he read from a sheet of paper handed to him by a producer.
Walker said that, regardless of who emerged victorious, it would almost certainly transform their career.
“Oh man, when I won Australian Idol, it just changed my life,” he reminisced. “Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to appear on other music competitions, judge X Factor, and go on whole tours of major cities, like Blenheim.”
The final, which will be co-hosted by Christchurch mayor Bob Parker and sponsored by McDonalds, will feature performances from Anika Moa’s cousin Gerald Moa and the Grimace.
The three contestants are reportedly nervous ahead of their final performances on Sunday and Monday night.
“It’s hard to believe we’ve come this far,” said white male. “I’m just so grateful for this opportunity to maybe judge another music competition sometime in the future.”
White female agreed, saying she had always dreamed of seeing an album of her own in the Warehouse bargain bin.
Brown male could not be reached for comment, as he was busy putting together a touching video montage, for which producers have agreed he has not yet appeared sufficiently emotional.
When asked earlier in the week who they thought would win, all three pointed to someone other than themselves, raising the question of whether any of them had the confidence or fortitude to make it to the end.
Tickets to the event have been unavailable for weeks now, and excited teenagers have already begun queuing outside the studio in downtown Auckland. The live show will last for several hours, and those attending have been encouraged to bring plentiful supplies of food so they’ll have something to eat during host Dominic Bowden’s dramatic pause.