An Invercargill man has appeared in court today, charged with what a judge described as “pretty decent assault,” in which the victim received a “right good walloping.”
Police say there is substantial evidence to suggest the man gave his victim – a bartender with which he engaged in a verbal, then physical altercation – what could only be described as a “bloody good smack around the head.”
“Definitely quite a decent one,” said officer Neil Harrison, who arrested the man. “Very nice shot indeed.”
Harrison said police were left with no choice but to pursue charges of decent assault.
“I mean, if that wasn’t a pretty decent assault, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen one.”
42-year-old Kenneth Carter, the bartender assaulted by the accused, said he couldn’t deny he got “pretty fucked up.”
“It’s a little bit embarrassing, but I will be testifying, if I have to, in favour of the decent assault charge,” he said. “One whack to the side of me face and down I went.”
The accused has pleaded guilty to decent assault, and has appealed to have his name suppression lifted so that the local community can know what a “good job” he did.
A conviction of decent assault carries with it the penalty of several pats on the back, and at least five rounds of “you showed him, mate” from some bloody good jokers.