The National Government this afternoon announced plans to save New Zealand in excess of $400 million by performing an ALS ice bucket challenge, after the nation of Turkmenistan nominated it to do so after completing its own ice bucket video.
The challenge, which requires participants to donate $100 to charity unless they pour a bucket of ice-cold water over themselves, was completed by Turkmenistan early this afternoon.
New Zealand now has 24 hours to record a video of it doing the ice bucket challenge, lest it donate $100 to charity for every New Zealander, a sum that would cost the Government more than $400 million.
If New Zealand manages to complete the challenge in the given time period, it will only have to donate $10 per person.
Finance Minister Bill English announced the plan at a press conference this afternoon.
“As you all know, we are fully obligated to observe the rules of the ice bucket challenge,” he said, “especially given its recent passage into international law.”
“Having weighed up the costs of completing the ice bucket challenge, versus the cost of donating to the advancement and well-being of mankind, the Government believes it is in the best fiscal interests of all New Zealanders to pour water all over ourselves, yelp loudly and writhe on the floor shivering.”
English insisted the move was not an election year stunt, but was rather “a matter of national urgency.”
In order to ensure that the completion of the challenge “definitely counts,” the Government will not only be pouring ice-cold water over all cabinet ministers, but also the entire inside of the Beehive.
Meanwhile, helicopters will be dispatched over major cities to pour large buckets onto office buildings, homes and pedestrians.
Asked who the Government would nominate to do the challenge next, English replied, “Africa.”