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John Banks can’t wait to get gay married

John Banks eagerly waits outside parliament for his chance to marry another man.
John Banks eagerly waits outside parliament for his chance to marry another man.

Leader of the ACT Party and former Auckland mayor John Banks reportedly can’t wait for the third reading of same sex marriage legislation later this evening, which is widely expected to pass the House of Representatives comfortably, and will finally enable him to marry a man.

The Marriage Amendment Bill, which will face its final reading in Parliament at around 7:30pm tonight, would legalise nuptials between two people of the same sex, and is currently being supported by a clear majority of MPs.

Banks, who has traditionally opposed gay marriage, and who voted in 1986 against the decriminalization of homosexuality, confused many last year when he announced his intention to support the bill. Asked why he was doing this, he replied “Because I am.”

But close aides to Banks are now saying that the reason for his change of heart is no big mystery; he just wants to marry a gay.

“For Banksy, it’s all about love,” said one aide who wished not to be identified. “It’s pretty new to him, and he’s not really sure how it works yet, but we all think it’ll make him a lot happier.”

Banks has reportedly been pacing up and down his parliamentary office for the past two days, adjusting his collar and anxiously waiting for the bill’s passage.

“He’s been so uptight lately,” said another aide. “It’ll be good to see him go to the zoo again and pat a giraffe, or wear a loud shirt.”

There is no word yet on who Banks might marry, but sources say he has a keen eye for Tony Ryall.

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