New Zealand first leader Winston Peters and Revenue Minister Peter Dunne convened a secret meeting in a poorly-lit garage shortly before dawn this morning, just to confirm that the plan is still working and that “nobody suspects anything.”
When Peters entered the garage at approximately 5:07am to find Dunne seated at a small wooden table, the pair eyed one another confrontationally, before suddenly breaking into laughter and hugging.
“Well done,” said Dunne.
“You didn’t do too badly yourself,” said Peters, patting him on the back.
He then joined Dunne at the table, and the pair had a long, intense discussion about their machinations.
“They’ll know you leaked the Kitteridge report soon,” said Peters, lighting a cigar.
“I know,” said Dunne, lighting his own with the lighter hidden inside his bow tie. “But that’s what we said from the beginning: let the chips fall where they may. It won’t be long now before we have the diamonds.”
Peters nodded in agreement.
“Your people, are they out of the way?” asked Peters.
“Oh, entirely,” said Dunne. “Well, maybe not Rob. No, perhaps not. But we needed to plant him to drag out the inquiry. What about with you?”
“All clear. None of them have the faintest idea. Not even Brendan.”
“Very good,” said Dunne, reattaching his bow tie and combing his hair upward.
“I just warn you,” said Peters, pointing a finger at Dunne. “I might have to call you some pretty nasty names in the next few days.”
“Well, are you sure?” asked Dunne. “I mean, do make sure they’re necessary.”
“Deceitful worm, one trick pony, contemptuous little twit,” began Peters.
“Oh well I suppose that’s fairly accurate.”
“Two-faced pervert.”
Both men agreed that nothing could stop them now, except perhaps Jon Gadsby.