Television personality and chocolate fish enthusiast Thingee announced today that he will be seeking election as Christchurch mayor.
Thingee, 26, describes himself as a “socially-motivated change agent dedicated to seeking empowering synergies between entrepreneurs and the community to spur innovation and promote empowered engagement through future-facing visions aimed at empowering citizens to empower themselves to empower each other to build a brighter Christchurch that recognises the strengths and talents of its emerging leaders and empowers the community to manifest its own destiny through high-level solutionising that acknowledges the paradigm shifts within the city and delivers actionable and empowering results after a holistic period of empowering cross-functional consultation that builds on our collective learnings and leads to a more empowered society in which the prevailing paradigm empowers us to make proactive and positive change.”
He said he decided to stand after concluding that nobody else in the race was dedicated to this kind of thinking.
“We need leaders who are empowered visionaries, empowered to transcend the bounds of aggressive mediocrity, leverage best-practise methodology and ensure they capture the buy-in of all key stakeholders,” Thingee said, hands moving as if constructing an invisible sandcastle. “There’s a wide blue ocean out there, and we need to have all our ducks in a row so we can better embrace the very unique opportunities available to us.”
He said he would achieve this by doing more “things that make people happy,” adding that he is passionate about “things people like.”
During his first day as a candidate, Thingee promised some “eye-popping policy announcements” in the coming weeks, which he illustrated by unveiling a poster depicting his infamous eye-popping incident on The Son of a Gunn Show, with the slogan “Thingee: Eye-Popping”.
Thingee cited his television background and his stints in Christchurch as his prime qualifications.
“I have been in Christchurch, and I have been on television, and I have been on television in Christchurch,” he noted. “I also like to sit in cafes and talk to people.”
He also expressed enthusiasm about getting youth more involved “in the process”, although appeared to be unclear on what the process was.
“I don’t think it’s up to me to define what the process is. But we definitely all need to be in on the process. Empowered to be in on it. I’ll be encouraging that.
“Children are our future, except for those who have already become more talented than us, in which case they are our present and must be eliminated.”
When asked if the man crouched on the floor with his arm directed up Thingee’s body would create any complications, Thingee said that all politicians are puppets of someone, and he was just “more honest about it.”