A page 4 news event involving poor, ethnic people has barrelled through the Philippines over the weekend, resulting in the deaths of more than 10,000 individuals whose names we would find difficult to pronounce.
The news, while not a page 1 or 2 event – such as the Miss Universe competition or two radio hosts being vaguely misogynist dickheads – is nonetheless being described as one of the strongest page 4 news events on record, and has already caused unprecedented devastation on the eastern Philippine island of Samar.
The world has reacted with horror and disbelief at reports of the destruction, which they were able to find somewhere towards the back of their newspaper, or on the New Zealand Herald website just below a story about a dog chewing off its own foot.
“It’s so sad, what’s happened,” a RadioLive caller told host Duncan Garner on his afternoon Drive programme, “that that dog would be forced to do something like that.”
While some in the western world are breathing a sigh of relief that the weekend’s news event was only a page 4, some experts believe that the story could gain traction in the coming days as the true scale of the disaster becomes clear, and as the stories of some white people come to light. It is also expected to take more precedence on this evening’s television news, with reporters saying there are “some pretty neat images.”
TVNZ Head of News John Gillespie confirmed this afternoon that TV One’s six o’clock bulletin featured some “cool pictures,” but promised viewers that any video containing bodies, “or anything remotely conveying what has actually happened,” would be duly censored.
“We know that our viewers only want to see the big waves and boats sitting on top of houses and stuff,” said Gillespie.
“There are, like, sharks on the land,” he added.
Prime Minister John Key said today that his Government’s thoughts were with the people of the Philippines, but urged New Zealanders not to donate to relief efforts, and instead “hold on to your money,” because “it won’t even be in the news next week,” and “you’ll have stopped feeling guilty by then.”