12:00am: Switching between hundreds of tabs without accidentally closing any
1:00am: Drunk driving
2:20am: Olympic lolly scramble
3:40am: Men’s 500m dine n’ dash
4:05am: Ages 80+ synchronised dying
5:30am: 20km sprint
6:00am: Pizza delivery to Olympic officials
7:40am: Bottle flip challenge
8:20am: Understanding what happened in The Matrix Revolutions
9:30am: Women’s Acrobatic Fencing and Christopher Walker Impression Doubles
10:00am: Holding a scalding hot cup of tea
2:10pm: The Great Rio Rubbish Pickup
11:30pm: Rowing demolition derby
In addition to the above schedule, every two hours, TVNZ’s Peter Williams will update New Zealand’s medal tally live from his bed.