Despite falling into eighth place in the latest straw poll, former Prime Minister Helen Clark may still be in with a chance to be the next United Nations Secretary General, say knowledgeable UN watchers, if she’s able to steady the ship and walk the narrow tight-rope of all the other candidates dying horrifically.
Interviewed on Radio New Zealand this morning about whether Clark should drop out of the race, UN expert Stephen Lewis said there was really “no need,” and “kiwis shouldn’t panic” about her prospects.
“I think the important message to those who are really hoping she gets the job is, don’t lose hope yet. She’s still got a chance, and there are a lot of paths to victory.
“One is that all the other candidates die horrifically at one time in a fire or something like that.
“Another is that maybe all the candidates ahead of her had a massive seven-way orgy, and the press has picture, or maybe even she has the pictures.”
Lewis went on to speculate that Clark may still be in the race because she does have “at least some kind of pictures.”
“I couldn’t think of any other reason for her to still be in the race, to be honest,” he mused. “Unless she’s hoping for the fire thing, of course.”
Prime Minister John Key said today that the Government was still backing Clark, and that he still had confidence.
“Well, you know, actually, when you think about it, something like all the other candidates dying, that can actually happen,” he said. “It’s not totally unheard of.”
Key agreed that a seven-way orgy would also be disqualifying for her opponents, but thought it less likely.
“Uh, well, yeah. I mean, certainly you can’t be the head of the United Nations and have sex, so that would, yeah. But I don’t think that’s very likely, just because Danilo Turk isn’t very attractive, honestly.”
Spoken to earlier today, Helen Clark expressed confidence that she would be the next UN Secretary General, saying that it was “actually quite likely” all the other candidates would die.